The Hug Poem - Bradley Hathaway

The Hug Poem

Bradley Hathaway

...

I read about how you touched them, and they were healed

Or even if someone just touched your cloak

they were forever changed

You let a broken woman bathe your feet in her tears

and you washed your best friends' feet.

I'm just wondering though,

Did you ever just hug people?

I mean I know it's a silly question and all,

I am sure you would have, why wouldn’t you?

But its one of those things that was never mentioned that got me thinking about it...

And how whenever there was a touch from you,

sins were forgiven and sickness fell.

I think I’m caught up in my sins,

last time I checked all my body parts were properly working,

nothing special here.

I am just a kid with a heavy heart

these passing sunrises and sunsets.

I don’t think our encounter would have ended up in the gospels or anything

Because all I really need is a hug.

That's okay for me to imagine right?

That’s not going to be conflicting with any sort of theology is it?

Okay good, then hug me.

But not one of these sideways one arm around the neck type hugs

Or the ghetto right hand clasp fists elbows to chest

pat pat on the back back

Or you put your right arm over my left arm

and I put my right arm under your left arm

and we make this weird sort of diagonal thing.

No, none of those!

BEAR HUG ME MAN!

Take your old school carpenter arms

and throw them over my upper body

leaving my arms dangling

underneath yours somewhere so

I can barely move them because you're squeezing so hard.

(But don’t pick me up and make my back pop because I hate it when people do that).

And then hold me,

hold me here in your arms until I start to cry because

I WANT TO CRY

But I just can’t seem to do it on my own

I have been teary eyed once recently but not even enough for a

drip down my cheek.

There's just hurt in my soul that needs to be purged

so hold me in this hugging pose until the pain is flowing from my eyes and nose.

...

I could really use a hug right now.

Midterms!

The past week or so has been relatively insane as far my studies have gone, and in terms of what I have learned.

I spent thanksgiving weekend hitting the books, and not in the literal sense. Although I probably wouldn't have minded literally hitting some of them by the end.

Last Thursday was my Philosophy midterm, which I haven't gotten the results of yet, but I feel as though I did well on it. The test was just answering 3 essay questions. SO much writing! I wrote a good 10 pages double sided, I think.

This week Tuesday was my Chemistry Lab Problem Session. It was challenging, especially given the time limit. I feel better about today though--I wrote my Biology midterm this morning and I think I did really well on it. Or I hope so anyway! You never quite know at university it seems.

I'm looking forward to all this craziness ending...tests at university make me so anxious. For the two midterms I've written so far, I've woken up at 5am on the day of the test, and ended up just heading off to school really early in the morning since I am too worried to sleep and too preoccupied to eat breakfast or anything like that. It's a bad feeling...but I guess I end up getting a couple extra hours of studying in this way?

After my midterm today, I went to the gym like I do every Wednesday. It felt so good to just be able to not think about studying for an hour or two, and sweat some of the stress off.

After all, you know you've studied too much when you comment to your mom that the family laundry basket looks like a mitochondria.

Then later in the afternoon, I went to my first Campus for Christ meeting, which was interesting. It was a little awkward, just because we don't know each other really at all yet, but I think it will get better with time, and could turn out to be really fun and beneficial.

We talked about living a spirit-filled life, that is, learning to have Christ at the center of our lives more and more. I think all Christians have times when they put themselves first...I think it's what's natural for humans. If there is anyone out there who always has God first, I admire them wholeheartedly.

For me...I'm thankful God is gracious, and forgiving to me. I mess up a lot, and get wrapped up in my own worries far too often. I want to control everything that happens and give it to Him at the same time...but I know this kind of paradox is not possible. It's all or nothing, as far as I'm concerned, and I want Him to have it all.

And I need Him. I think I would be such a wreck if I didn't have Him in my life.

To Walk Those Roads Again

A year ago today, I would have had my first day of lectures at Capes. I would have been exploring the grounds around Capes for the first time. I would have been doing my daily duty for the first time! I would have been having one of the best days ever.

I wish I could be back, walking those winding roads. I wish I was running under the stars, faster than them all, and feeling the crisp evening air in my lungs. I wish I was hearing Rachel talk about Jon, giggling with Deborah, and seeing Yejin dance in her crazy pajama pants. I wish I was trying out for netball!

All this said, I had a really good day here at "home" today. I learned a lot in my lectures at uni, had some great conversations with lovely people, won a pair of socks (which I actually really need, since most of mine are fully of holes), and even finished my biology lab early so I could get out and enjoy the sun.

I am glad it was sunny today, and not just for obvious reasons. For a while, feeling the heat of the sun on my skin and nearly being blinded by its brilliance took me back to those first few days at Capes, and the beauty of it all.

I felt God closer than my skin today, and that is a lovely feeling. I know he is here with me, and that brings such peace and comfort and joy, and even happiness. I am so in love with my Saviour. I only wish I could show it to Him better.

Icarus

For my English class, I have been studying poetry based on the Greek mythological character, Icarus. In summary, he is trying to escape from the island of Crete. His father is an inventor of sorts and crafts Icarus wings made of feathers and wax. Once the "flying machine" is created, the father instructs Icarus not to fly too close to the sun, or its heat will melt the wax and Icarus will go plummeting into the sea below. He also tells Icarus not to fly too low to the water, because then his wings would become weighed down and he would drown.

In the end, Icarus makes a foolish decision and flies too close to the sun and tragically plummets into a watery grave: the sea below.

A poem I found particularly striking this week was "Musee des Beaux Arts". I forget the poet's name off the top of my head...I think it's W.H. Auden. Anyway, the poem itself is really quite interesting. It's short--only two stanzas long. The first stanza discusses the life of Jesus, and how many people did not notice the miraculous things or the "dreadful martyrdom" he experienced, because their lives were too busy to truly see.

The second stanza brings Icarus into play. There's this painting by Brueghel (I think he may be Belgian), that depicts the demise of Icarus. In the painting, there are people walking around and going about their own business, and it seems as if they do not even notice Icarus' white legs, sticking out of the sea.



The point is, we pass people whose lives are falling to pieces on the proverbial street every day. Sometimes the catastrophes are obvious, and maybe we choose not to get involved or to see, because we don't like being uncomfortable. Or maybe, sadly enough, sometimes we are just truly too narcissistic to see past our own problems.

I know that the next time I feel like my world is crumbling, I want someone to notice, and to be there with me.

I hope that I can be the kind of person, with the help of Christ, who isn't afraid to be inconvenienced.

So go ahead, inconvenience me!

Magic in the Mundane

Have you ever thought about just how much can happen in one year?

One year ago, at this time, I was frantically preparing myself to go to England. The 7 months or so that I was there was undoubtedly the most amazing experience I have ever had in my life. In some ways, the adventure was idyllic: I lived in a beautiful old manor house in the English countryside, twenty minutes from the ocean. Pictures of all the beautiful things I saw, whether they be old buildings, myriads of artificats located in a museum, or the rich hue of the always well-watered grass still sit in the forefront of my mind, close to my heart.






But even closer than that are the travel stories; the grime of a city street hundreds call home, the sheer multitude of of people sleeping under the fluorescent lights of an Italian train station, myself included...

...the many times I actually got to live out my faith in real and scary scenarios. The conversations about God I had with the boy in the hostel, the lady in the airport, the German journalist...

Six weeks of travelling as an unemployed student pushed me to the extreme when it came to money. I lived in an incredibly minimalistic way. I spent night after night without a bed or a blanket, on a cold floor or under a bench. But I was nowhere close to living in poverty; I had bread to eat, I had clothes to wear.

I can't help but think that "now that I have seen, I am responsible...faith without deeds is dead".

...

In my head I think I had this fairytale view of magic...and I pictured myself, walking into a ball in a lavish gown and tiara, or receiving a distinguished honour of some variety. I dreamed that "big" moments such as these would be the most important, magical, incredible ones of my life; it made me a little depressed because I am a very average person who lives in a small town...and I know these big moments will be few and far between.



But after traipsing around Europe, and months of reflection at home, I realize that magic can be found every day. In my cheese and lettuce sandwich, a cup of coffee shared with a friend, seeing the leaves change colour, feeling a raindrop on my skin...

There is magic in the mundane.
There is magic in my life in Saskatchewan.

In England, I came to a beautiful place in my relationship with Jesus where I realized He is not only my Lord, but my Friend. My best friend. I am sad that I am not living in England anymore, to be honest. I love it there; I think part of my heart is still sitting in the courtyard of that old manor house. Despite any sadness I feel though, there is an underlying happiness; I have brought the best of England home with me: I have brought all the adventures I had with my Best Friend.

I guess what I want you to get from this is:
a) I'm sorry that I talk about England so much when I'm with you. I try to control it, but what I learned overseas has truly shaped who I am, and my life with Jesus. I feel bad sometimes, because I just can't stop talking about all these little things that happened to me, but maybe now you have a greater understanding of it all.
b) It doesn't matter where you are in the world, or what you're doing: you can experience the truly magical in your life all because of Jesus.

The best thing is that this magic is not an illusion or trick.
This Love is real.

And thus, my England adventures continue...
because He is here with me.

Bath, Stonehenge, and the Last Day in London

Stonehenge

The Roman Baths

SPQR

The Jane Austen Centre

Last view of Capernwray and the surrounding hills

Final impressions from my window--a view of the courtyard.

Abbey Road!!

Inside one of the last trains we rode on in Europe--finally making it out of Italy!!

Border of France/Switzerland from the train

On the tube with my suitcase--almost home in London.

The Sleeping Beauty Motel

At the Tower Bridge again. The bridge was raised so that a sailboat could pass through.

I want MORE LONDON!

Better pot-luck with Churchill today than humble pie under Hitler tomorrow.

Don't waste food!

WWII posters at the War Museum

Oh, look...another cathedral.

Tate Modern. I like this art gallery.

We went to Legally Blonde!

Home

I am home again, and it is nice...but strange.

And, I don't have anything to do--so if you aren't busy or need something done, let me know.

Finishing Well

I left London last night at 9:50, and should have arrived at Capernwray by 7:30 this morning. However, one of my trains was changed, so I ended up waiting in Manchester Piccadilly station until 5:45 (instead of 4:15), and I got to Capernwray by 9. I am pretty exhausted! I'm staying in a guest room here tonight, which is really nice. Hopefully I can finish repacking soon and be able to get a good rest before another early morning tomorrow!

I tried calling to arrange a taxi to take me to the train station tomorrow morning, but none are running in time for me to make my train at 6:15 am. Fortunately, one of the staff members here heard about what was going on and kindly offered me a ride.

The last two days in London were really fun, but bittersweet at the same time. Coming back to London made me realize how much more I really want to see in London still, even though I've spent a lot of time there. And the UK/England in general is just really nice...definitely a second home to me now. I want more time here, but not now; it is time to come home.

Jaline's last day with us was on Saturday. We didn't have much time, but we managed to have a nice walk along the river, snap a couple pictures of Abbey Road, and surprisingly, go to another musical! I was glad we could end with something fun for Jaline, before she flew back home. We were going to go to Macbeth, which I really really wanted to do, but by the time we got there all the tickets were sold. The gift shop at the Globe is a dangerous place--there's a lot of really cool stuff in there, which I was tempted to buy.

Since the Glove thing didn't work out, we asked around for the closest theatre, and took a bus there (it was after 6, so it was nearly time for all the musicals to begin). That particular theatre, the Savoy, was showing Legally Blonde. We asked about tickets, and they were 42 pounds and up, which was a little more than we wanted to pay. The lady at the ticket office was really nice though, and we ended up getting 62.50 tickets for 32.50. It was a really funny, lighthearted, and well...pink musical.

Really funny, because Jaline HATES pink. I've been bugging her about it the whole trip. She really enjoyed the musical, but let's just say she wasn't rushing to be first in line to buy the pink feather boas at the end of the show.

Yesterday, I spent the day at Stonehenge and Bath, which was really enjoyable. It was certainly another highlight for me on this trip, and just a nice way to end the adventure. I'll have to put pictures online once I get home, now that I'm back to "Capern-net". :)

Okay! Well, it's time to get back to packing. I can't wait to see you all tomorrow and to finally unpack, for real, for the last time (at least for a while).

3 Days

Hey everyone! I made it back to London!! It feels so good to be here again...it's almost like being home. Almost.

I will be home for real in 3 days, and I still can't even imagine what it will be like to come back!

Today we were supposed to meet up with 2 of the guys from Capernwray, but we didn't find them at our meeting spot, so I'm not sure if it will work out or not now. They may have gotten a flight unexpectedly, which would be great for them, but it is kind of disappointing to miss out on seeing them.

I am sitting in a Starbucks in downtown London, drinking my caramel frapp with toffee nut and a fruit salad (p.s. Thank you uncle Cam--I am still using up the starbucks card!). This feels like being home again. The people around me are speaking English again, in their beautiful accents, which I am definitely not used to anymore. This morning, we checked into our new hotel (the Sleeping Beauty!) and met Courtney at Victoria Coach Station. I am so thankful that her flight arrived on time and that she is able to come hang out with us for the last couple days.

Plans for later today: see Abbey Road, a couple parks...perhaps even go to another show, if we can find any inexpensive tickets last minute.

Jaline flies home early tomorrow morning...it will be a sad and strange goodbye.

Running Out of Ideas

I am running out of ideas of things to do. There's only so many times you can go on facebook when nobody from home is online because it's the middle of the night without getting a little depressed.

I started my day bright and early--5 am, and since then, I have watched Jaline play a computer game, got another free sandwich from Chef Express, waited for my ipod to charge, uploaded a bunch of youtube videos to watch for later occurances of boredom, read some of a book, and pretty much organized/planned my entire life using a program I found on my computer!

This left me with nothing else to do but to look up random words in my computer's dictionary. Not only was this temporarily entertaining, but it was highly educational.

Did you know that sisyphean means endlessly laborious and unfruitful?

Also of note: vagabond--a homeless wanderer who has no permanent place to live. Synonym(s): drifter, beggar, hobo, traveller, wanderer, gypsy, nomad. Anytonym(s): resident.

How about that?

Pompeii and the Colosseum

Watching the sun set from the train with friends.
New Pompeii...

And Old Pompeii, at the ruins...this is in one of the homes in the residential area.

The Forum and Mount Vesuvius!! I can hardly believe that I got the experience to see all this in real life!

Mount Vesuvius/Pompeii was all in all a really cool experience, and one of my favourite parts of the entire trip.

Remains of one of the Pompeii/Vesuvius victims...kind of morbid.

A rock I found that looks like a skull!

Ah, the Colosseum...I took a lot of pictures of it!

My favourite gladiator--sporting cargo shorts, black socks, and sport sandals. Pretty much the real deal. Nice.

I liked Rome...but 138 hours in an airport? It's getting a little tiring, and ridiculous. Quite frankly, I am extremely excited to be hopping on another train tomorrow!

London, here I come! Finally!

The good thing that's come out of all of this is that there are more Capernwray students still stuck in London, and we are going to meet up with them for the day on Saturday. I'm really looking forward to it...almost as much as I'm looking forward to finally taking a shower! Haha!

And, I think as far as we can control, all our plans are worked out with Courtney. We should be able to meet her at Victoria Station on Saturday morning. From there, we'll bring her stuff back to our hotel, then go back to Victoria to meet up with our other friends from Capes who have also been stranded and spend the day together!

As for Sunday, Jaline's flight leaves early in the morning, so she'll be checking out of the hotel at around 4:30 am. That will be a tough goodbye...I don't want her to go!! Courtney, Kim, and I are spending the day in Stonehenge and Bath. I am really looking forward to that tour, and it's nice to think that we have some fun in store for us still, before we go home.

It's also nice to think that they have given us SO much free food here that we won't even have to buy food in London! Seriously, they are spoiling us. As much as this experience has been unfortunate and an inconvenience, it's been fun...and we've made some Italian friends.